Satirical Wrestling News – Episode 6 – (Week of 9/29/19)

Satirical Wrestling News – Episode 6 – (Week of 9/29/19)


hey guys welcome to our handsome our it’s me made up and there’s Johnny you’re at a cold beach oh shit there’s pelicans many many pelicans you touched the baby’s eggs and the mama pelican is mad so now you escape to your car that was you running as fast as you possibly can to avoid the pelicans hmm that was your squeaky card or that you got into remember blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah that was her 1970 cheap starting up now your your get home you pull into your driveway and you open your house door you’re now in your living room and you go to sit down on your couch the couch broke and I’m your Hearst mirror huge rock lesson to capture the WWE title within seven seconds last Friday on Smackdown right after the match Cain Velasquez came out if you don’t know he beat his ass within seven seconds on UFC now judging by the look on Brock’s face it looks like Kane came out and told him that he has gonorrhea he has dirty balls no liver dirty balls week one of the Wednesday night Wars is officially in the books with aew Dynamite trouncing NXT by over 500 thousand viewers I haven’t seen a massacre this bed since that fucking teddy bear from Toy Story 3 ok let me paint a little picture for all of you at home imagine you’re five six mad Mexican you I just out there doing your job trying to do the best damn promo you could do and then a big white behemoth and it’s fat walrus friend starts trotting down the stage and you’re standing there like huh wonder what these guys are gonna come do with me you know what I mean and the white behemoth rolls into the ring picks you up and starts flailing you around the ring and just absolutely pumice you see so you just got that ass beat in front of millions of people now the worst part is your son is front row in the audience and the white behemoth turns to the audience and looks dead at your son so now the white behemoth goes over to your son picks him up and does the same thing he just did to you so now you and your son just got that ass beat and you can do nothing about it at this point you know it is like a zoo and Rey Mysterio would be the end Jeff Hardy is once again been arrested for driving under the influence and he’s got a real problem he’s got a stop reports are circulating that when the cop pulled up to his car and went up to his window and asked for his license or registration that Jeff got out of the car climbed on top of it and Swanton bombs off of it so what this happened we look they’re like there’s a video dirty there is this is why this is ain’t shit with this week’s shake-up of WB programming many a change came about including the return of Jerry Lawler to commentary great ol elite wrestling has just announced their second weekly TV show called aew dark we all know who’s watching that so my partner heads leave for a little bit it’s gonna take a leak out of his ass crack so now would be a perfect time to do one of my rents because he hates everything he can do that’s a coup de Gras to the heart for me that’s like getting gate right in my guts by Finn Balor himself do not ridiculous is it let me let me hold on I wrote I wrote down a quote just for this moment nothing in this world is more dangerous then sincere ignorant and Dante access no pity that was said by Martin Luther King jr. himself he said that out of his mouth that’s you oh we got a last segment as per usual cut his ass this week son victim Tyson Fury Tyson Fury looks like Scott Dawson with money power and a subscription to Vogue magazine Tyson Fury looks like his favorite food is mutton chops Tyson Fury looks like he’s wearing an iPhone background a superior looks like he sneaks into the storage units of fucking planes Tyson Fury looks like the one kid who didn’t dance the cotton eyed Joe Tyson Fury looks like he played in traffic as a child Tyson Fury looks like he just found out he could save 15% or more on car insurance Tyson Fury looks like dashing at the EMAs I hope yeah you

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